My commitment is to myself.

One year ago today, I stood in the shower, crying and asking, “How did I end up here?” I was just three days away from turning 46 jobless with no prospect in sight. I had just left a job where I believed I had a future. After being told I would be promoted, the power-that-be decided to “pull the rug out from under me,” suddenly, there was no future for me. Shocked and crushed, I made the difficult decision to leave.

I did everything you’re supposed to do when searching for a new job. I updated my LinkedIn profile and marked myself “Open to Work.” I networked, sent emails, and made phone calls. I applied for various opportunities, but unfortunately, not many people responded. When they did, there wasn’t much to discuss. My 24-year career in the nonprofit world, my experience, and the knowledge and skills I gained seemed to hold no value. I felt like I had no power. I was stuck.

The harsh reality hit me like a ton of bricks. The answer was clear. ME, I am the reason. Looking back at my career, did I miss opportunities to grow and take risks? Yes, I did. There were reasons why—priorities shifted, life happened, marriage, and children. Sure, all valid, but the real reason was me. That voice in your head that fuels your self-doubt and self-confidence. It can pump you up one minute and take you down the next. For years, I toggled between “YES, I can!” and “Yeah right—no, you can’t.” More often than not, “no, you can’t” won the battle. Why? Because I am good at telling myself what I want to hear. Years of affirming who I think I am and discounting what I am capable of—my narrative, authored by yours truly.

At that moment, I became enraged with frustration. Frustrated that I let myself get here. Frustrated that I know when I look back on my life, I will be disappointed that I didn’t when I knew I could. I felt like the entire world was on top of me, and I wanted to push it off. But how? I realized that no one could help but me. If I wanted to change my life and narrative, I had to help myself. I had to take my power back and push the world myself.

I stepped out of the shower, got dressed, went to my kitchen, and grabbed my laptop. I began searching for “how to become a coach.” I would take control of my future, and this is how I would do it. I landed on Rutgers University’s Leadership Coaching for Organizational Performance Certification Program website. I filled out an inquiry form and hit submit. This would be my superpower, my opportunity to be the change.

Later that day, my phone rang, “Rutgers” was calling. I ignored it - 2 times. Suddenly, a massive wave of panic set in, and that push was too heavy. There was no way I was answering that call. That voice was back, telling me, “No, you can’t.” Fast-forward to the following day, when my phone rang again. This time, “D. Bernstein” was calling. Usually, I would not answer a call from an unknown number, but I did this time. On the other end was Dana Bernstein, the head of the program.

What should have been a quick call turned into an hour-and-a-half-long confession. I shared everything - my self-doubt, regret, and lack of confidence. Tears were shed, and with every tear, my confidence and desire to take charge grew. I applied to the program, and I got in.

The Rutgers LCOP experience was transformative. It was hard. It was emotional. It was insightful. It was powerful. As I learned to be a coach and was coached by my amazing fellow coachees in training, I had the opportunity to unpack everything holding me down and back. On the second to last day of the program, we did a 360 review. It brought to light all I thought I was hiding from everyone. I was looking face to face with my “intimidation monster” - the culprit who, for far too long, was in control, telling me what I could and could not do. It was time to silence my “intimidation monster” once and for all.

On the last day of class, we were asked to state our commitment and jump over an imaginary line. I proudly and loudly said, “My commitment is to myself,” and jumped. It was symbolic, yes, and meaningful—incredibly so. I am committed to myself and my power and to never letting anyone—including myself—take it away.

My story is not much different from many others. Many people can relate—did you take a back seat when needed, did life happen, and did you have to pivot, or did you find every reason to question whether you were qualified and worthy of the opportunity? Whatever your story or narrative, whatever your “intimidation monster” may be, I guarantee that you have the power to lead your journey. If I can do it, so can you.

This fall, I completed my Rutgers University LCOP Program and proudly share that I am an International Federation Level 2 Coach working towards my ACC accreditation. January 17, 2025, looks very different from one year ago. I am three days away from (happily) turning 47. I am taking the first steps on my new path: P3 Strategies: People, Purpose, Potential. I want to focus on the person - what makes you perfectly imperfect, help you unpack your story, change your narrative, and empower everyone to realize their true purpose and live to their fullest potential.